why hello there. sorry i haven't been updating.
im going to make this quick just to tell you guys my diet plan.
i fasted yesterday and binged today on about 1000 calories. so not to bad. its still only 2pm so i can burn most off.
yesterday i got a bunch of baby food yes you guessed it, im going on a baby food diet lol. starting tomorrow. and when i get sick of baby food i will eat a salad and some rice cakes. only water and diet soda aloud.
i plan on being really strict with this so i may not have to much time to blog.

Binged today.
I smoked weed, munched, and binged. I am leaving it at that.

Tomorrow I plan on getting 30 dollars and buying E so I will be fasting Saturday and hopefully Sunday.
I am going to try and COMPLETELY forget about today and get back on track. This had to be the last binge! I am going to play some wii tonight, hopefully I don't gain to much from today, I walked a lot today so i really have no idea what my weight will be tomorrow.
anyways peace and lllllove

Blah I just woke up. It's 11:30am and I'm not hungry yet. But I feel like binging and purging! But I am not going to. I am home alone which is when I use to binge and purge the most but I am fighting the urges to do so! hahaha
Today I plan on eating a salad for dinner and then probably coffee coffee coffee! I want to get the drink Mary-Kate Olsen gets from star bucks.
Or there is a recipe for a 50 calorie frappuccino I might try (and post here).
My body is so lazy today I don't feel like going outside for a run later, but I didn't yesterday because i had like 4 hours of sleep). If I don't go out for a run I am for sure playing my Wii and going on the treadmill.
Oh and I weighed myself...

I'm 110.2
so gross. so fat. what a huge number! but THAT NUMBER is what's keeping me motivated today. I must have been about 112-113 the other day. So I am making progress! That number will be down to 105lbs before I know it. I just cant have any slip ups. I can't binge this week! If I go this week without binging and purging I can get down to maybe 106ish.

I shall update later. Here's some thinspo for all you sexy ladayyysss (and gentlemen)

yesterday I lasted on a salad and a rice cake I believe it was. purging the rice cake.
Today! I didn't do quite as good but still stayed under 600 calories. Lots of purging today, I am just glad I didn't binge. I had:

1 meatless burger with two 50 calorie slices of bread for dinner (purged)
2 rice cakes, one was 60 calories one was 35 I believe, had them at separate times of the day (purged the 60 calorie one)
ALMOST ate a full 210 calorie chocolate chip muffin BUT I only ate the top.
Some Vegetable Thin crackers (purged)

and that is all! so now let me add up the calories...
1 meatless burger = 100 calories
2 slices of bread = 100 calories
rice cake = 50
rice cake = 35
top of muffin = assuming 105 calories
crackers = there are 80 calories in 15. just to be safe I will say 110 calories.
TOTAL = 500
probably a bit more. but I purged basically everything I ate today anyways so I'm guessing hmmm... 300 calories in total.

not TO bad. Definitely an improvement from a few days ago!
tomorrow is my weigh in. I'm nervous as fuck. I use to weigh my self like every time I SEEN a scale now I can't even bring myself to step on it. But tomorrow I have to. I need to see where I am at. I'm hoping no more then 110lbs.
I am probably going to fast tomorrow. So wish me luck!

peace and love

ahhh. A fresh new past.
I plan on living life from now on exactly as I did when I could restrict like a champ.
and so far so good.
I use to eat a salad a day. and today that's what I did! I ate a salad at 4pm with no dressing and then an hour later a rice cake which I purged. Tomorrow I plan on running outside which I actually never really did, but I plan on going to a track and ACTUALLY running hahah.
I got suspended from school for a week for putting gum and dog shit on someones lock HAHAHA. So I'm using this as an advantage to get back on track. since 2010 started its been constant binging and purging so I want to turn that around.
I have been reading other peoples blogs for the last few hours and I'm getting really motivated and inspired! The way they describe feeling "light" and "thin" made me realize THAT'S what I want! THAT'S the feeling I love! and I want to be able to feel that again. Last night I watched "For The Love of Nancy" and tonight I plan on watching more movies about Eating Disorders, as much of an "Eye Opener" those movies try to be, they are very quite triggering hahah. I remember I watched "For The Love of Nancy" a few months ago and managed to fast for a week afterwards.
I forgot to mention I'm also drinking better! I've only had 2 diet sodas all day (drinking my second right now) and I drank water and threw in a green tea also.
I went grocery shopping with my dad yesturday and bought some food for my mini fridge in my room, I picked up:

4 Pattys of meatless chicken burgers (100 calories each)
50 calorie each sliced bread
3 different flavored rice cakes
Some weight loss juice.

My new rule is if its not in MY fridge I don't eat it. The foods I just listed are what I have to live off for the next week (plus salad).

So today was great and I feel like tomorrow will be to! If I feel like its going to be a good day, ITS GOING TO BE A GOOD FUCKING DAY! haha I plan on staying out of the house for most of the day also.

I may not blog as much as I use to this week because I REALLY want to try and lose as much weight as possible this week.
Now. I am going to go through ALL my magazines (I have MILLIONS) and I am going to write down EVERY diet tip or trick that will help me. I plan on starting up a huge weight loss "book". Basically its just a binder full of useful things. I already have like 3 "Thinspiration Books" but I'm combining them to make a SUPER book haha.

So anyways. peace and love everyone
P.S) I am also planning on getting a new layout for this blog (as much as I love this one) because no one (including me) knows how to follow or comment hahah

Well I failed I binged today and yesterday so my 2 day fast was basically pointless, but I have decided to stop thinking about food so much! It seems like the more I focus on losing weight the less I lose and the more I binge!
So for now on its going to be just go with the flow, watch movies, go out, work out, go to the mall etc.
I smoked weed today which resulted in me binging! terrible binge.
MUNCHIES + BINGING = FUCKING DEATH.

I plan to smoke more then play my wii fit. Marijuana helps boost metabolism hahha, I also plan to start drinking 2 green teas a day!
Tomorrow I am going to fast. Then like I said it will be like how it was before I would just pick at food all day (kept me under 200 calories). I know I can do it, I blame winter. Its so cold out it forces me to stay in the house!

Now things that aren't food related. My best guy friend and I (the only one who who knows about my Eating Disorder) totally hate each other now, His girlfriend is jealous of me, as in she thinks that I want him! lmfao what a skid! So shes "forbidding" him from seeing me, and he actually listened. He says as long as he is with her me and him cant be friends. What a joke. I deleted him off my MSN, Facebook and my cellphone. Its supposed to be BROS before HOES. apparently not according to him.

FUNNY STORY though. Today me and my friend decided to cause some trouble as usual, we went to our old high school (we got kicked out and they sent us to a school where students who get kicked out go) and there was a girl who was making fun of my friend and all this immature stuff, so we decided to be even MORE immature and put chewed gum and DOG SHIT yes DOG SHIT allll over her lock lol.
unfortunately they caught us on camera and we are in shit lol.

Hello.
Some of you may have noticed I haven't been posting in a while hahaha I have been busy just living! chilling with my friends.
I managed to fast on Wednesday and I walked outside pretty much ALL day and then yesterday I managed to go most of the day without eating but around 8pm I had HALF a donut and one 35 calorie rice cake, which I purged.
TODAY though I slipped up, I binged. It wasn't to bad though some things were REALLY calorie filled. I started off with:

2 Cabbage leafs with salsa inside.
Vegetable Thin Crackers.
about 2 TBSP of cream cheese icing.
A few spoonfuls of peanut butter!
A BOWL (cereal bowl sized) of the cookie dough you make from scratch!
1 Rice cake (35 calories).
1 Banana.

And I THINK that's all. But I purged almost all of it if not all!
The only reason why I binged was my parents were fighting again. My mom locked herself in her room and my dad left, he still isnt back and im not sure where he is. Things like that usually trigger a binge and purge, my mom was in her room which is a few doors down from the bathroom I was purging in, Luckily I can purge quietly now..

Anyways its way easier to fast again though! Tomorrow I plan on fasting to kind of give my self a cleanse and then I'm going to eat one salad a day and maybe a rice cake also.
I'm not sure what my weight was last time I posted on here, I think it was around 113-114lbs I am now 110lbs.
Its not exactly a "safe" number for me, once I hit 109 I will be more happy.
I am also going to start writing out my "prize" or "reward" for each goal weight to keep me even more motivated.
Hope everyone else is doing just dandy! For those of you that have been following my blog and seeing how shitty I was doing in terms of restricting, and NOW reading this post and reading how I just did almost a 2 day fast, Hopefully that can show you guys that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE haha
IF I CAN DO IT YOU DEFINITELY CAN!
Just don't give up, Keep trying and you WILL succeed.

I'm a 17 year old girl, and I struggle with anorexia and bulimia, I'm generally a happy person, but I put other people happiness before my own. I strive for perfection since I've never had a taste of it, I am scared of death yet I am slowly killing myself.

I love everything about old school punks, I love how they don't give a fuck and how no one controls them.

This blog is to help me and everyone else reading. I hope everyone enjoys :)

February 2010

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