Time To Get Serious.
Okay last post for tonight.
I forgot to mention how much i ATE TODAY! I mean...ive gained so much weight im sure you can guess how much i have been eating lately.
I think the only reason im not back up to 145 is because ive been purging 3-4 times a day. but sometimes it just wont come up anymore...
i binged 3 times today and could barely purge each time. I think its a sign lol. or im at least going to take it as one.
Im debating on what kind of fast i should do tomorrow.
Water
Juice
Diet Soda & Water.
Probably Diet soda and water. As bad as this sounds im going to pop some E tomorrow to stop be from eating and lose some extra water weight...
i hate it. but i have to.
Let me just show you an example of WHY i have to.
Today i ate:
2 Bowls of cereal, One bowl of All Bran and on of All Bran mixed with those little boxes of cereal.
3 Slices of delissio Pizza
4 cookies
6 Other cookies WITH MILK
This weird little delicious sweet.
1 Cookie (one of the ones that come in boxed and wrapped in plastic)
Salad
TURKEY IN A CAN!
This corn stuff..
Fajita Lunchable
and im sure there was more...its pretty bad when you cant remember what all you ate today because you ate so much!
its been constant binges like this and i cant handle the purging anymore. which only means one thing. stop eating. again.
its hard, but it works. and its worth every little painful step lol. i cant wait to see the numbers start dropping again! i miss the light feeling.
I havent had those "You are looking to thin" comments in a while. i miss them. i miss the attention i was getting.
Right now i feel gross, dirty, heavy, out of control. Its like my worst enemy (food) is winning in the battle me and IT have been going through. I CANT LET IT WIN.
Ive ate enough to last me for a while now.
Its like bears, they eat as much as they can before winter so they can sleep! lol.
Well i will think of it like that, i have ben eating non stop (yuck) for the past few days. now tomorrow i will sleep all winter ! (fast for a couple days while im on a E binge).
Tonight im going to watch everything i can about anorexia. it always triggers me.
Im excited for tomorrow. its like the ultimate challenge lol.
No more purging (i love it but hate it. will i miss it? a little bit yes)
No more binging
I will fast for atleast 2 days. no less.
After i fast i will eat ONE salad a day.
Then i will fast atleast twice a week.These are my goals starting at midnight.
If i break them i will let someone comment on a punishment. ANYTHING. and i will do it lol.
I will reward myself everytime i get to a goal weight.
P.S) I plan on posting Recipes and Thinspo somewhere on this blog.
