Hello.
I just got back from the doctors not to long ago, this time without my mom. I'm sure he suspects an Eating Disorder. He was saying things like this
"Your mom isn't here this time, she seemed to have answered everything for you last time, She is a bit controlling isn't she"
CONTROL. big word in the world of E.D
He also asked me if he could check my weight and height and i said NO. I was afraid he would think I'm fat.
He said "Do you not want me to weigh you because you think your underweight" and im like "No way man".
Which is true. I think I'm morbidly obese NOT underweight. I do not weigh myself in front of anyone, i do not tell people my weight. If i eventually dont have a choice and my Doc MUST weigh me, i want to at least be thin.
Besides that, He prescribed me some Anti-Depressants called "Celexa" or something like that. First thing i did was search to see if it could cause weight gain. Its possible...But its also possible to LOSE weight. I really dont want to take them...but whatever. I also got some Vitamin D.
Now. As far as food goes, i havent had any today... but its only 10:19am. i have a FULL day ahead of me. i had some flavored citrus water. Thats about all.
I will probably have some diet soda all day, and some water to of course. I may buy some Ice Breakers. zero calorie candys.
I need to get as much different tastes in my mouth as i can today. Going from a huge binge cycle to a water fast is hard and will most likely result in a binge.
NOW. That is about all for now. I hope i can go today foodless.
I didnt weigh myself today. Usually i weigh myself a million times a day, everytime i pass the scale, everytime i SEE a scale. But im to scared. The numbers will just scare me.
I will weigh myself tomorrow morning. When im more empty and "Pure".
